A Knot

I've got a knot tied in my heart about swearing again tonight.

Right now.

There are two kinds of people in my life: The unbearable goodie goodie who never swears and the cool-type who do it because it's cool (and despite all claims to the contrary, there isn't any other reason.)

And why did you of all people have to conform to that silly paradigm? It's like some lame disease! Why can't people just not say those words?

No one gets out. No one isn't one of those two.

It ties my heart in a knot and I don't know what that feeling is called, but it's unpleasant like not being able to breathe is unlpeasant.

It's painful like your dad not showing up when he promised he would.

It's frustrating like your boss firing you as a scapegoat for things you just learned about the day before.

-calvin

Free Verse

Here's the bottom line. I could deal with being single if I had a crush on /someone/. But I don't. No one. I'm not into anybody. So I'm not into anything. Everything's hollow. Giving is unrewarding. Eating never satisfies. I dread sleeping because it means I failed another day, having found nothing to live for, but no reason to try to get away.

I have nothing anymore. You were everything and that's gone. You're not, but my investment is. My affection is. So my purpose is. We were not built to be alone. Even if we are single. We were designed to love, and I no longer do.

And so I am useless. Pointless. A machine. A series of input and output. And a constant disappointment to everyone around me.

And a pain.

And so I am become what I was.

No one minds.

After everything, me here now doesn't make a lick of difference.

Missing me isn't the same as loving me. Missing me isn't the same as caring about me. Missing me isn't noticing me.

People would miss me.

But they don't care that they have me now.

Hey!

I'm going to redo this soon.  To make it look like my website.

Also, I have a website.  Btw.

Saturday Night Live

Last line. Wait for it.